8:25 PM 

I don’t know if it’s the 2 strong cocktails l’ve this evening, and I don’t wan to over think it, but I actually feel pretty good about my social interactions today. 

Celebrating the minor victories. I should do it more.


My 3 wishes. 

 After yesrs of internet surveys I’ve finally figured out what  my 3 wishes from as genie would be. 

Wish #1: Every person I meet at least  once will have the capability to just pull from their pockets whatever they want to eat. 

Wish #2: To always be the third wealthiest person on the planet thus enabling me to travel and meet a whole bunch of people. 

Wish #3: To be able to have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, when ever I wanted . Just, poof , they appear before me. 

30 things to do in the next 3 years

Well I wrote this a year ago so 2 years left and I am currently against skydiving. I looked up the statistics, 1 death in 180,000, so I’m not sure I like my odds. 

And I still have to write 22 more things I won’t do, so you know, I’m busy. 

1.) Sky dive. If I wasn’t a complete clutz I would do the flying squirell suit. 

2.) Hawaii. Just do all of hawaii. 

3.) Do a voice over for a cartoon.

4.) Volunteer to call bingo at a retirement home. 

5.)Take a painting/Drawing class. 

6.) Re-visit and walk the neighborhood I grew up in. 

7.) Tell more people to f off and set some boundries. (8.)

7:37 p.M.

Last night I skipped my sleeping pills. 

Around midnight I got the bright idea to attend a group time at the library. 

I laid there thinking that I had to start getting out more. I had to start being around people. I just had to. 

If I go too long without social interaction it heightens my anxiety when the situations finally occur. If I allowed myself to I would happily not be around people. 

I dragged myself out of bed after only five and half hours of sleep and thought to myself “You said you would.” 

All morning I was convinced I’d back out. Tossing and turning the idea in my head. 

Then came 10:10 a.m. and there I was, at the door, with my shoes on and keys in hand. All ready to go because, after all, I told myself I would. 

So I did.

It’s not that I don’t like people, I just don’t like to be around them. 

It’s hard to explain. 

Anyway, I only made one massive social blunder that will churn in my mind for two days, so cheers to me. 

I did it again

I went out in public and I’m annoyed at myself.

Just another one of those lonnngggg visits with 10 people. Some might call it a party. 

Everything was fine until I got home. 

I resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done. It had to be gone to. So I muddled through. Calm at first then more people arrived. There were even video chats with people from far away places. 

I rode the anxiety wave all through the gathering. 

Being in front of people even just to do normal things, it stress me out afterwards, when I get home and replay the event, to a level thats just not logical. 
I just sit and rewind parts that I think were…  whats the word…awkward. That I acted awkard in maybe?

I don’t know. 

Lately, I’ve been telling myself at the end of everyday that tomorrow I’ll do better. 

Lucky for me there’s another must attend group gathering in a week. 

I am just freaking thrilled. 

7:55 PM

I decorated a Christmas tree for the first time in 10 years tonight. 

Not just decorated one, went out and bought one and all the fixings. 

I don’t know how it happened.

It turned out to be the most retro modern tree you can think of. 

It’s snow flocked but to much so and just looks like a cheap white one. 

Paired with neon green, blue and magenta ornaments and topped of with multi colored lights this thing glows. 

The 70’s style l.e.d. color changing Angel just completes it. 

My mother would hate it.

It’s the ugliest tree I’ve ever seen. 

I love it.