I did it again

I went out in public and I’m annoyed at myself.

Just another one of those lonnngggg visits with 10 people. Some might call it a party. 

Everything was fine until I got home. 

I resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done. It had to be gone to. So I muddled through. Calm at first then more people arrived. There were even video chats with people from far away places. 

I rode the anxiety wave all through the gathering. 

Being in front of people even just to do normal things, it stress me out afterwards, when I get home and replay the event, to a level thats just not logical. 
I just sit and rewind parts that I think were…  whats the word…awkward. That I acted awkard in maybe?

I don’t know. 

Lately, I’ve been telling myself at the end of everyday that tomorrow I’ll do better. 

Lucky for me there’s another must attend group gathering in a week. 

I am just freaking thrilled. 

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