I did it again

I went out in public and I’m annoyed at myself.

Just another one of those lonnngggg visits with 10 people. Some might call it a party. 

Everything was fine until I got home. 

I resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done. It had to be gone to. So I muddled through. Calm at first then more people arrived. There were even video chats with people from far away places. 

I rode the anxiety wave all through the gathering. 

Being in front of people even just to do normal things, it stress me out afterwards, when I get home and replay the event, to a level thats just not logical. 
I just sit and rewind parts that I think were…  whats the word…awkward. That I acted awkard in maybe?

I don’t know. 

Lately, I’ve been telling myself at the end of everyday that tomorrow I’ll do better. 

Lucky for me there’s another must attend group gathering in a week. 

I am just freaking thrilled. 

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6 thoughts on “I did it again

  1. You know I do this. A lot. I also will do it years after events. “How could I have done it this way” or “do I think they remember that?” Sometimes in large groups I am such an idiot and then sometimes…. ugh. I never seem to escape myself. I have to make myself obsess over something else. Sometimes it wins and I can’t. But I keep trying and I hope you will too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. I just try and laugh it off and tell myself it’s over it’s done with and I can’t change it. No use suffering three times; Worrying about the event, actually doing said event, and obsessing after.

      Time is valuable, gotta spend it wisely.

      Liked by 1 person

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